We tend to think that the way we perceive reality is actually reality. And when we disagree with someone else, it’s very easy to think that they are wrong or that they are misinformed or that they’re missing reality altogether.
“But here’s the truth:”
Your beliefs, values, experiences, and emotional conditioning create your reality.
Similarly, your partner’s too.
When it comes to a relationship, the conflict will not likely occur due to one person being right and the other being wrong. It can occur because both sides have their own view, with their past and needs colored distinctly.
Relationships aren’t created to prove a point.
They’re constructed through the gaining of perspective.
What Is ‘Perspective’ in a Relationship?
“Your perspective in a relationship is the way you choose to view your lover’s actions, speech, and decisions. This perspective is influenced by:”
1. Personal values: These are standards or principles that you believe are important in
Experiences from your past.
- Your emotional wounds or insecurities
- Your views on love, commitment, and trust
- The rules you’ve unconsciously made up about how relationship dynamics are supposed to play out.
For instance, if you’re building on insecurity or a wounded past, a reactive stance, like a suspicious or defensive one, may be the default. Conversely, when the foundation is based on self-trust and confidence, attaining a relationship based on openness, safety, and mutual respect is more feasible. Perspective does not mean truth. Perspective means interpretation.
Why Gaining Perspective Is Critical for Relationship Success
Just as no two individuals have the same fingerprints, no two people have the same emotional blueprint.
Each partner brings:
- Differences in strengths and weaknesses
- Various emotional stimuli
- Styles of communication
- Moreover, “Different expectations.”
No perspective is more or more valid than another one. However, the capacity to understand and appreciate another person’s perspective is one of the highest qualities of emotional intelligence.
And certainly, emotional intelligence is not just important for interpersonal relations. Why is it crucial for leadership and personal development?
As I always say:
- “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”
The Hidden Cost of Ignoring Your Partner’s Perspective
When couples are not able to understand each other’s perspectives, unproductive patterns of communication may include:
- Denial: Refusal to validate the other person’s feelings.
- Defensiveness: Protecting the Ego vs. Being
- Condemnation: Attacking the character rather than the issue
- Withdrawal: emotional shutdown
In both instances, one of the parties reduces the self-perception of the other. This has the effect of preserving his or her point of view.
High-performance relationships require something quite different:
the discipline to stop, listen, and select understanding over being right.
How to Understand Your Spouse’s Perspective More Effectively
1. Learn to Listen—Deep
Your partner has been communicating with you the whole time, but we, for the most part, absorb only a small piece of the information presented.
Effective listening is not waiting to respond.
“It’s about understanding meaning,” she
Despite the common language being communicated in, words have varying emotional value depending on one’s upbringing. Mastering the skill of listening deeply helps you move past the level of communication and tap into the inner self of the other person.
2. Break Unproductive Emotional Patterns
When a conflict situation arises, many individuals fall back into a habit pattern of ignoring, blaming, shutting down, or escalating emotionally without being conscious of what they are doing.
“These behaviours may protect your ego at the time,” she explains, “but these patterns can harm the relationship.”
Seeing another perspective takes more work, but it also provides more trust, respect, and a sense of emotional safety.
3. Ask Better Questions
Rather than questioning your spouse’s beliefs, try to explore them.
What are you seeing that I’m not?
How have your personal experiences in the past influenced the formation of this belief?
How can this assist me in understanding you better?
When your partner feels understood instead of judged, the emotional tone changes. Defences come down. Trust builds. Communication stops being a battle.
4. Relationship Always Comes First
You always have a choice.
You can win the argument, or you can strengthen the relationship. Choose.
“Placing the relationship first” certainly does not mean losing yourself. It means that instead of winning control and pride, you are willing to opt for connection and understanding. Feeling accepted by your partner despite your differing ideas is what makes them feel safe enough to open up, grow, and meet you halfway.
“All true knowledge of ourselves and of everything in
A lot of people are afraid that, in considering another point of view, they are having to compromise themselves. Not true.
When you expand your perspective:
Emotional Intelligence: The ability to recognize and understand. Your empathy increases. Your Communication Skills Are Improving. The force of your love, and rather, you don’t lose yourself, you build something greater together.
- As I always remind the couples:
- “Where focus goes, energy flows.”
- As you change your focus from judging to understanding, love and trust grow.
Conclusion
Perspective Taking as a Daily Act “Exceptional relationships do not exist in and of themselves, but result. They are created by design.
Instead, by opting for discipline in communication, emotional control in conflict, and curiosity over criticism, you gain access to a whole level of connection and intimacy.
“Your next step is simple: you must become
Make the decision today to strive for perspective, compassion, and understanding.
When you do, your relationship and your life will never be the same.
